Dinner.

I'm hungry again!!!

AGHHHHH!

My shoes. My shoes. My shoes. <3

Aaaand making plans to go watch Lion King in 3D as a double dateeeeeee. <3

Study time!!!

A la Panera's. :D

Awkwardddddddd?!

I've got such a thing for extending my words but. Despite that. Such an awkward feeling when I see this ugly's face. I'm not the only one who's got a problem with her. And so. What to do? Ugh. I've been advised to shut up and not acknowledge the problem at hand. But how?! I'm not that ignorant or oblivious.

I've got him baaaaaaaaaaaack~

I couldn't. I need him. and I want him. I don't bug him anymore. I try to. But I get so caught up in my work too. I very cautiously believe what he tells me. He has no reason to lie to me, correct? Correct. I'm still really unstable but if he's willing to stick it out for me, I'm just as willing, too.

And plus. My ex is totally hatin' right now. :D
*happy dance*
(I'm such a bitch.)

Hm...

I guess I was the weak one here. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't stand not being with you. I couldn't handle it. I just wanted you. But I couldn't. I'm sorry. You say it's not my fault, but it clearly is. I'm just not strong enough. I thought I was. I really thought I could do it. I just miss you and everything about you. I'm trying to forget you but that's definitely not easy. I can't go back to the way we were.

To my love:

It's hard. I miss you. It's not easy not seeing you. But you're helping me. By not bitching, and I really appreciate that. I'm stressed already because of school, but thank you.

I love you.

You know...

The hardest part of talking to someone is trying to figure them out. Meaning, trying to figure out who they are, what their intentions are, if they're gonna trample all over you or not. This is the only part I hate about "talking."

I don't like the "independence" part of your personality.

Because I can't be there with you physically, I want to be there any way I can. But it aggravates me that you won't take that. I want to be with you everyday through everything. And it really sucks that I can't. I hate it. A lot. But I don't know what to do, daddy.

I wouldn't mind experimenting.

Girls with a nice figure always make my head turn. Nice legs, nice ass, nice boobs, typical guy traits lol. But. Not gonna lie, I wouldn't mind a good three-some.

Alright, sir!

First of all, you have no idea what I'm talking about so stop trying to act like a smart ass.

Second. I really need to chill. But. Didn't he tell me I don't have to worry about it? Or was that just how I interpreted it?

I went from feeling all cruddy in the morning to amazing by the end of the night.

I haven't seen you in over a week now. And I was really set on seeing you this morning. I wanted to show you what I was going to wear today. But. Fail :/ and I wanted to show off to you. I've never done that for anyone before hehe! I wanted to hear how pretty I was. And I wanted you to show me how pretty I was. But you were all working and whatnot. >:[

It wasn't funny when you texted me saying you had a confession to make. That text scared me so much. I don't even know what to compare it to. I was SO worried and I was preparing myself for the worst. I was planning my Thursday, and trying to think of who to hit up. Then. You simply told me you were working and you just wanted me. -_____- I wanted to punch you SOOO badly. Ugh. <3

You know. Just telling you today WHY it is I like you was really. New. You never asked me before and. I really didn't want to tell yoh. But yes. You are the best, daddy. ;) I want to say those three words to you. Not like I haven't thrown them at you before. But. I'm still worried. But. I do. :)

Something unexpected?

Why didn't you expect it? I've told you those three special words before. And I meant it when I said it. So. What do you mean?

Don't say those words if you don't mean it. Don't say it just because I'm saying it.

Honestly? I'm worried shitless. I'm extremely insecure right now. And I'm being SO trivial about everything. But. I don't know how to help it. Insecure because I know I'm not the hottest chick you know and you happened to fall for me pretty quickly. Worried shitless because. I know you've been cheated on, but what makes it positive that you won't just drop me for someone else? Someone better? And it doesn't help that you work all over the place at all different hours. I haven't given myself up to you because I don't want you to 1. Always expect it and 2. If something happens along the line, I don't want that connection being there. That's something I know didn't happen, and I won't ever have to think
About it. And I can go on doing my own things. Selfish? Maybe. But I'm on a mission to not make the same mistake 3 times in a row. I know you're very independent and all, but I can tell you still have a big, lonely side to you.

I love you.

I was ready to fight you today.

I told you to just text me when you were ready to stop being mean to me. And then you told me you were just pushing my buttons. And I wanted to punch you so bad. But. I couldn't help bit laugh. I can't stay mad at you!

Just the way you are.

I love the way you know me. You know how to get me (good and bad). With just simple words you know how to make me feel better. You know exactly when I need my space, you know when to smother me. I know I'm still iffy about the things going on but. I'm here with you, to watch you out of it. I'm here to watch you finish up with your "nonsense." Thank you for being patient and understanding of what's going on with my situations, and I'll try my hardest to do the same with you and yours. I've stuck it out with you so far, haven't I? I didn't have to, true. Yeah, you are dangerous for me... But that just turns me on so much more and makes me fall for you because I want to help you get out. You know what I mean? I'm not here to judge you for your mistakes. Others might but I have no right doing that. I have flaws of my own. :)

I just care about you.

I care about you like crazy. You wouldn't understand or know how exactly it is that I feel. Then again, you wouldn't know. Because I don't have enough time to show you. But. I want you to know. But. Maybe after you're done with everything, I'll fully let you know.

I keep on getting texts from my ex.

He keeps texting me out of the blue. I want him to move on. Then I won't have anything to worry about him anymore. But he won't. He keeps lingering. And I don't like it at all.

Okay. The way you called me out was bad....

In fact, it was horrible. You had me scared......
But you told me to come down LBP.
Drove down to meet me on your bike.
And just told me to follow you.
As I drove down with you, I couldn't help but laugh to myself.
You caught me off guard.
You pulled into the LBP light rail parking lot.
And made me park next to you.
Then you kissed me.
Ugh. Melted into your arms. Or better yet, you melted on top of me.
It felt so good.
I don't know how you knew I missed you.
You drive me CRAZY.



<3

I'm gonna make my lips bleed.

You're forever making me bite my lips. You're way too cute to resist. I know you're trouble. A lot. And I'm not thinking straight right now. But I'm living in the moment. If any of my 언니's or 오빠s found out about you, they probably would kill me..... Yup. They would. But you make me smile so much. You know how to make me laugh, even when I'm upset with you. Even when I'm not happy with the situation you're in. And for the first time in a while, I'm not frustrated. I'm having fun. I told you that I didn't want a relationship because that is partially true. I don't think I have the time, nor am I in the mentality to date. I feel like dating is meant to be between people who are looking to get married. I'm not quite there yet (that's another post). But. I already told you how much I like you. And I'm hoping you know it, too. I hope I'm showing it enough. I actually wish I was there more for you because I know how you have those days. And when you have those days, I just want to snuggle you and wath you fall asleep. And I'm sorry I can't do that. But I hope you know through the little visits and the texts an th phone calls how I feel
About you. <3

You know how to get to me. I don't know if it's just the beginning stage. Cuz in the beginning, everyone's like this. My only thing is that. You're in some trouble. And. As much as I want to say no to you, I can't help but be even more drawn to you. You hav the CUTEST smile. Tattoos make me want to die! You know how to play around with me without getting mad. You know that I'm always worried about you and you appreciate it. And, you're planning on getting "out." It probably won't be easy but. You said you're going to do it so I believe you.
"I love the way we play fight. I love the way you hold me. The way you kiss my neck. The way you touch me. I try my hardest to squeeze in a little bit of you into my day whenever I can. I love texting you first thing in the morning...and how your responses come hours later -_- I love talking to you. I actually enjoy getting jealous over you. And yeah, I think you're bad news for me but. What can I do. I can't change the way I feel about you."

And. I can't say the words "I love you" to you yet because just recently realized what those three words mean, and how difficult it is to keep with it. But what I can tell you is that I REALLY REALLY do like you.






<3

Things have changed between us. I don't see us together in the future. And so I can't pretend anymore.

Not gonna lie. But I still hate my bf's ex.

It's so bad that she ended up in my dreams, in the middle of Jersey City, and I just sat and bitched her out. She kept on arguing but I jut kept on proving her wrong. Ugh it felt so good. Lol. So petty but it's ok.

I made a decision to go to a different church for service. So that I can understand what is going on in service. The only thing is we might see his ex. And we're gonna be going together. So. Do I just let it ride? She can't start anything in church, nor do I want to. Just for the sake that it's church. But. Knowing how immature she is, she wouldn't care. Frigg. -_-

Ahlexandria: Have You Ever

Ahlexandria: Have You Ever: "Been intimate to someone while your favorite cartoon was on? Random, but one of my favorite cartoons are on & I am thinking how nice it wo..."

Where to start...

When things happen, there are reasons as to why they occur. No ifs, ands, or buts. And. There are times when it's hard for me to accept it and understand it. I want to be stubborn and fix it. But then I think. Why try to mess up something God's got in store for me? Then, my self-conscious side comes out and starts thinking all the ridiculous things and I bascially drive myself nuts.

I need to stop this. I need to get a hold of myself and stick to what I'm feeling and what I believe. I will not be shaken.